So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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