I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
