The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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