oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize