If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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