I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize