I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
