then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
