Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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