what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
