it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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