What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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