Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
