im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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