sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize