I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
