I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize