you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
