she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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