ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
