Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you traded sex for a burrito?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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