i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
