His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
