I wish I could punch you in the face.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
