fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
