ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
In America we eat man semen.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
