did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
