I'm pants shitting drunk right now
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
tell me about the fingering
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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