Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
