so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
