Welp...herpes.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
