You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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