she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
