So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
