the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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