does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
