I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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