Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
