Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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