yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I did not marry a roomba.
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