I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
