Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
