You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
