apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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