my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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