Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
