I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize