i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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