She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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