Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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