I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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