I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize