so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
