I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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