At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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