I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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