you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
