that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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