I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
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