If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
