Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
