Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
