last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
