I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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