dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
