Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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