maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize