Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
