Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
