those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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