can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
