Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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