found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
